comfort in heartache

I am having lots of social anxiety lately

My mind keeps running in circles

Until my head is spinning

From a casual conversation

And when I am around my friends

I feel like I am ruining those relationships

Just by being in them

For my own damned existence

Just being around people

Trying to be present in the moment

Trying to please people

It so truly drains me

It used to come so naturally

Appeasing every demand

Placed on my shoulders

But now I just want to say

I don’t really care anymore

About anything

What they need

Or what they think

Because it is getting a little hard

To keep acting like

My head is anywhere near close to Earth

Or that I hear anything they are saying

And I don’t want to push everyone away

It just happens.

So when I kneel before a God

That I don’t believe in

I am completely alone

But understand this.

I find solace in solitude

Peace in desolation

Comfort in heartache

I find my worth in my own pain.