you

I look like you 

I talk like you 

I cope like you 

I don’t even smile anymore like you 

but, I never wanted to be like you. 

I studied hard in school 

I followed the doctor’s orders 

I thought I did everything right. 

I worked so hard 

to be anything other than you 

because I hate the way  

that you give love  

and then take it away 

whenever you deem fit 

I hate the way 

you see everything in such a negative light 

and infect everyone around you 

with your cloud of self-pity 

I hate the way you hate yourself. 

it’s pathetic.  

and I hate  

every  

single  

one 

of your stupid little vices 

but, God 

they get me every time 

just like they get you 

so, don’t lecture me about cigarettes 

or losing weight  

or the bags under my eyes 

I don’t want to hear it 

I cannot stand 

to be criticized 

by the model 

I am a carbon copy of 

or told I can do better 

I could have done more 

obviously I can’t 

can’t you see I tried? 

of course, I hate myself 

I have become  

someone I loathed 

someone I said I would never be 

you. 

so, excuse me if I seem a little distant 

I’m really not trying to be 

I just can’t understand 

how I can fight so hard 

and still lose.