the talented mr. ripley

I find myself at a recurring crossroads

in the dreaded night and everlasting day

between putting a bullet through my brain

and loading myself up on sleeping pills

oh love, how it never comes to stay

killing myself with pills would be painless

an overdose seems a civilized demise

a quiet goodbye bid with undisturbing grace

an ending that would maybe make my mother proud

I am karmically destined, it seems

to live for others and please

a bullet through the head is messy

blood would splatter all over the wall

and seep deep into the carpet

someone would have to clean

my wretched soul off the wall

and scrub my sins out of the flooring

that would make me feel too guilty

pills do seem like the better option

no cleanup, no pain

I’d just gone in the morning

never have to open my eyes

and feel the pain rush in again

sure, it would take some time

before they would ever find me

but then maybe I will finally find some peace

without the obligation of existence

or I could just keep on going

the way that I have

living each day half alive,

half dead already

watching my life play by

on a screen, I do not care to look at

or even hear when I try to listen